To celebrate the release of Brave aka Pixar’s red head revelry – we’ve decided to give a written warm embrace to our favourite melanin deficient, pasty brethren – The Red Headed movie characters.
***WARNING: Contains every single slang word for Red Head that I could think of (and make up) and some made up facts about ginger isolationism***
10. Black Widow (Scarlett Johanssen): The Avengers/Iron Man 2
Johanssen’s Natasha Romanov is the lone lady in The Avengers sausage fest and she delivers a tough, intelligent, feminine, and “Scarlet” performance that earns her place in amongst Demi-Gods, Rage Personified, a Super Soldier and a genius, billionaire, philanthropist with wonderful toys.
The perennial 3rd wheel and comic relief of the Potterverse brings maroon mopped magic to our screen for 8 films not to mention opens the doorway to generations of Magical Burgundy.
I actually think that Pepper is Paltrow’s most likeable role to date. She’s intelligent, empathetic and the chemistry between RDJ as Tony and her Pepper is the unlikely highlight of any of the action packed comic book movies. I would actually watch an entire film of them just chatting, flirting and bickering with each other.
The Sun will come out….tomorrow, bet you bottom dollar that’s tomorrow… (you just sang that out loud didn’t you). This crimson orphan gave a musical incentive for adopting tiny rosy outcasts. It’s really hard to describe her good features without simply breaking into song.
6. Rose (Kate Winslet): Titanic
This is clearly the most profitable red head in motion picture history. Rose is down to earth, enjoys drinking with steerage, spitting on Billy Zane, being drawn in the buff and sleeping with you in another persons car. Detractors are that she clearly can’t share large floating doors.
Aussie parlance for ‘Ranga’ must have originated from the most famous and punchy Orangutan side-kick Clyde. He’s the real world Chewie to Clint Eastwood’s bare-knuckle boxer Philo. There’s really no one that has every outshined Eastwood (as a side-kick) except Clyde.
If Annie made redheads cute; Junior single handedly made people want all red headed children monitored for demonic position. Junior’s freckled face and fiery bowl cut makes him look like an animated match stick. His hellish and crazy behaviour was all the more terrifying but fortunately the understanding and support of the wonderful John Ritter as father figure helped him.
3. Jessica Rabbit: Who Framed Roger Rabbit
This cartoon character singlehandedly activated puberty for young gents on the precipice of adolescence. Many patrons at the time complained that her appearances coincided with a sound resembling a thousand Rolf Harris wobble boards all simultaneously ringing out. Mainstream Hollywood had used live action to teach us that no matter how strange we were, we could still get hot chicks and thanks to Bob Zemekis he brought that to the extreme with the inter-special (and inter dimensional) antics of Miss Rabbit. She’s also inspired some very creepy porn parody and frightening plastic surgery.
The 80s Ruby haired muse to John Hughes masterfully prescient instant teen classics and this is the character that gave red headed teenage ladies the hope that they could all get nailed by the hot jocks, find nice rich guys and find love with Judd Nelson (insert fist pump here) as long as they share their underwear with geeks.
This is the redhead a thousand ships aka that launched one of the most successful franchises of all time – Happy Days. Ron Howard made redheads acceptable in homes again (something that had been outlawed at the time) and showed all viewers not to perennially fear what the middle America’s called “The Satan Maned”. Richie “Opie” Cunningham is THE HIGHLANDER of Red heads.
Thank you so much for reading our Scarlet manifesto – which of your rosy haired characters did we miss (if any)?
And now for Billy Connolly’s great Public Service Announcement for Brave.
Blake Howard – follow Blake on Twitter here: @blakeisbatman