***WARNING: This article contain full frontal beards and words that have had beard mashed into them to create made up (but markedly more hirsute) words.
10. Chewbacca -Star Wars
He’s been making hairy cool since the seventies and GWP thought he should be paid the credit he was due. And as my partner in crime Cam Wlliams says “lets face it, he’s a giant beard.”
9. Sir Ian McKellan: Gandalf – The Lord of the Rings
There’s a school of Wizarding beards that really starts and ends with Gandalf the Grey. Your Saruman (Christopher Lee) beard is too perfect and your Dumbledore (Gambon not Harris) is far too dressy to take the title. It’s a beard that will stand the test of time and is on screen for more than any of the other beards that I’ll mention.
8. Robby Coltrane: Hagrid – Harry Potter Series
The Beardgrid has the power of a human beard and the girth of a giant beard. It’s at least double the size of a regular human beard and conceals neck better than any beard in the business.
Now enough of those fake beards – they are beardtastic but they can’t ever equal the manly lusciousness of organic beardery.
7. Brendan Gleeson: Hamish - Braveheart
Gleeson’s ‘Beardheart’ is not only tough enough to withstand wearing a dress but it’s punching for all bloodnuts out there.
6. Tom Hanks: Chuck Noland – Cast Away
Now this may be a controversial proclamation, but out of some amazing beard-performances in his career, most notably Forrest Gump (and for real boffins – crazy bearded british dude in Band of Brothers) Tom Hanks’ most stellar effort comes in his desert island beard in Cast Away. It’s furious and haggard and when complimented with his impressive tanned physique it stands heads above his ‘Hagridy’ number worn as Gump ran across the U.S.A.
5. Zach Galifianakis: Alan – The Hangover
This is the beard that brought beards back. The ‘Beardpack’ is funny, iconic and shows the power of pairing beards with accessories (such as satchels – Indiana Jones has one).
4. Alan Rickman: Hans Gruber Die Hard
There’s an slick, effortlessness about villainous beards that Rickman’s ‘Grubeard’ that makes him an even more difficult villain to defeat. Now I know J.K had plans for our boy Snape, but if he had the Grubeard I daresay it would have been enough to deflect anything that He Who shall not be named (but starred in Maid in Manhattan) could have thrown at him.
3. Kurt Russell: R.J. MacReady - The Thing
This beard is equipped to battle the Antarctic elements unlike any of the beards in the list. The ‘MacBeardy’ isalso great when battling shape shifting for aliens out of space and gives you 10 extra flamethrower wielding experience points.
2. Al Pacino: Serpico – Serpico
This is the beard that defined a generation…of beards. Long after the Lumet classic shuffled into obscurity and Pacino’s clean face adorned many a movie poster the nickname of ‘Serpico’ was given to many a bearded gent (even as recently as Apatow’s Knocked Up). It was almost impossible a few years ago to think any beard that could knock this beard off of it’s perch as the pinnacle of cinematic Beards…until the next Beardtrayal.
1. Joaquin Phoenix (as himself): I’m Still Here
Now this is the one beard to rule them all. The ‘I’m Still Beard’ pairs an unkempt longer hair do, and a POWERFUL face covering with method acting, artistic endeavour and MYSTERY. It takes the Graffiti with Punctuation stamp of beardproval.
What do you guys think?
What luscious man face coverings did we miss?
Blake Howard - follow Blake on Twitter here: @blakeisbatman
And remember with Great Beard, comes Great Beardsponsibility …